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Updated on Sunday, October 23


OMG: A letter to my co-op housemate that I am too cowardly to say/ I can't figure out how to say it

Hey roommie,
It's me your co-op housemate.

Ain't it crazy that you an I seem to be the only uw coops in this city? I guess we kinda lucked out. We're both neat people, that like wearing jeans and plaid, mainly keep to ourselves, and like to sing. Ha ha! Yes I've heard you and you're not that bad ;) It would be nice to get to know you better. So you know, I could actually have a friend my age while on co-op.

So I'm glad you're going to come badminton with me next week! That's another thing we have in common. I played badminton in high school and you said that you played badminton in high school back in China.

We're also both introverted people, which is fine. I thought we'd get to know each other due to the fact that we share a kitchen and a dining room... but you eat loudly. Dude I can hear you from upstairs. And this is where things get messy because this is one of those cultural difference things.

Look you've said that you went to high school in China and that this is your first co-op term, so I feel pretty confident assuming that this is a culture thing. So I confident that your not doing it to purpose antagonize me. You're just doing you and that's fine. You do you.

I just needed to write this letter, because I want you to know why I leave the kitchen every time you eat even though I would love to just sit down and eat a meal with you instead of isolating myself.

In my family eating loudly is extremely rude. It's not like having your elbows on the table or being on your phone while having a family dinner. It's so rude that the only time I have ever seen it happen is bratty child trying to get attention and purposely pissing the family off. And trust me that child only ever did that once and most of the family was ready to smack so common decency into the child and parents.

I'm telling you this so that you understand how I grew up.

Believe me I do not want to and will never hit you and honest to goodness I do not mean this as a threat.

I know that your not doing it on purpose. That's why I leave the kitchen. I know its not your intention to antagonize me. It's my problem that it pisses me off and that's why I just leave the kitchen. I do not feel that its my place to call you out or ask you to stop. I'm only writing this anonymous internet post because I'm frustrated and I don't know what to tell you in person. So I say nothing.

What I'm trying to say is that in my family being loud when you eat is seriously rude. And I don't know if anyone has ever told you that a lot of Canadians (especially of European descent) find it this rude. Did anyone ever tell you that that sound is associated with eating with your mouth open, with food coming out of your mouth?

I know that you are not a slob when you eat. I'm not saying you are and I do not think you are a slob, but that's what that sound means in my family.

If I did that at a family dinner I would immediately be yelled at and called a slob, a pig, someone with no grace or dignity. Honestly, I would probably be backhanded across the face. Again I do not think you are any of these things because I know that you're just eating a meal and getting on with your day.

I just want you to know that it fries my mind. Especially since I don't know how you can make that much noise when you eat without making a serious effort and I know your not making any effort at all to eat loudly. I'm sure you probably have wondered, at one point or another, how I can eat without making a sound. And the answer for both of us is that we both just grew up that way.

Look, I do not think you are a slob or a pig or that you lack grace or dignity. I'm not even mad at you. I don't even expect you to change after reading this. I just wanted you to know why I can't sit down and have dinner with you in the dining room like a normal roommate.

Someone who is probably going to be deemed a racist scumbag by the internet.

Peace out guys. I just needed this therapeutic rant so that I can continue to suffer in silence... well inner silence at least.


  1. You may not think he's a slob or pig as you said, but I do. And so are all these muthafuckas, chew without making a damn noise (looking at you chinese fobs). also to op, welcome to the brotherhood of misophonia :)

  2. It's actually quite possible he is doing it on purpose. In a lot of east asian cultures, making some sound when you eat is actually considered polite, especially if you're eating food someone else prepared for you.

  3. ..did you just write a novel about someone eating with their mouth open?

    1. ..did you just read a novel about someone eating with their mouth open?

  4. Yes it is a sign of being a slob and a pig. It don't matter whether you eat with utensils (european style) or with your hands (asian/brown style), not being able to control your jowels makes you a slob. Period. Deal with it.

    +1 Beta Bucks for trying to be nice about it tho.

  5. Hey guess what OP? Your family was abusive if they instilled in you that the mere act of making noises without intending to while eating was so reprehensible that you were hit for it.

    1. Not OP. I was yelled at and ridiculed every time I picked up a fork improperly. I was called an idiot by my father countless times before I was 10.

      Unrelated, I am extremely not down with noises and when I hear chewing, my thought process halts and I am forced to vividly imagine the fluid dynamics of saliva and wet chewed food. This is true of many sounds, but audible eating is the worst offender. I don't think it necessarily attains criminal levels of bad form, however, as a revulsion to it is not universal.

  6. Wow, what a mouth full...

  7. #5, don't presume to make statements about asian/brown people bc you clearly know nothing about their culture...

    #6 tho, SO ON POINT. white people getting out of hand.

    1. Canada needs to start deporting people. Back to the third world you go.