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Updated on Friday, November 27

#23376

OMG:

I honestly don't even know who my true friends are and I feel alone all the time. Does that make me weird? I feel so inexperienced because of my lack of social life and confidence. As in I am someone who's never gotten drunk or clubbing, or smoked or anything like that. I know I don't have to do those things, but it secretly kind of stings when people act all surprised that I haven't even gotten drunk and I'm a university student. I've never even dated before and I turned 21. I know this sounds like a self-pity rant, but everyone is always like once you graduate, it will be so much harder to make friends blah blah and you should explore in university before you get out into the real world. 

How do I make friends in UW, and become more social? I wish I could go back to being a first year so I can do it all over again...

20 comments

  1. No that doesn't make you weird. I think a lot of people feel alone at this school... Anyway, I know you probably hear this a lot but join clubs! I was really shy first and second year but I joined music club last term... and met a few people. And you can always be friendly to people in your class. Doesn't hurt to not try at all!

    Since you said you don't know who your "true friends" are.. that means you do have friends right? I say that you just stick through it... hang out with them, message them... do something or talk to someone when you're feeling lonely! I know it's easier said then done... but getting out of your comfort zone can be surprising :)

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  2. It's only a insecurity when you make it one.
    It's like people who said there is no purpose in life because we are going to die at the end. Well there is purpose if you make one. I know that's some heavy shit but it's the same with drinking, being social, etc etc problem. It's only a problem if you feel the NEED to experience them and you feel you are missing out.
    Just think through OP and don't force yourself into an activity you don't wanna do. That doesn't mean you need to be inside your shell all the time but you just don't need to be clubbing to be a normal university student. Like 1 said find people who share a similar interest and don't pretend to be someone who you're not.

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  3. As someone who has experienced both sides, friends are overrated. Too many fake people, myself included once all the social dynamics kick in. There is no such thing as true friends. You aren't missing much. Friends are too much work anyways, i'd rather spend that time on my own terms. Yes, my views might be construed as heavily warped.

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    1. you just sound like shitty person imo and can't make proper friends

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  4. Ehhh, I feel this a lot :/ I'm not very good at socializing (mostly cos I can't really read body language), but I like people. Unfortunately, even though I'd like to go out and get involved and join clubs and stuff, I'm chronically ill and exhausted all the time so that's kind of really hard >.< And when I DO make friends, its hard to keep them because I an't communicate or socialize on a regular basis and a lot of people don't understand that.... I literally don't even know anyone in any of my classes..... I have one friend, in a completely different department. I worry that I'm going to be socially isolated forever because supposedly its so hard to make friends outside of school. You're not alone!

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    1. It's also hard to keep friends once school is over so don't worry too much. I.e. I have zero high school friends left.

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    2. >communicate or socialize on a regular basis and a lot of people don't understand that

      Well friendship is an two way street and if you don't invest as much as the other person what reason do they have to keep talking to you?

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    3. @ 5b its not that I don't try. I invest a /lot/, but it doesn't visibly come out as obviously as it does with most people. Again, I am chronically ill. I am exhausted and in physical pain literally all the time. Its hard for me to make plans with people because I have no idea what my limits will be on any given day - I might be fine, or I might be hardly able to walk because my hips keep popping out of their sockets or my knees keep giving out or some shit. I physically /can't do/ all the same things an able-bodied person could, at least not regularly. People who know me know that the little things I do represent a huge investment of time and effort - the small things I do are not small. People who /don't/ know me well don't necessarily realize all the effort I actually put in and can feel as if I'm ignoring them. I recognize this, however I can't actually do any more than, y'know... what I CAN ACTUALLY DO. When it comes to communication most of the time I'm so brainfoggy that I can't coherently carry on a conversation or remember if I replied to an email or text or what (and if my hands aren't working, I physically CAN'T reply to that text or email!). Again, not because I don't want to or I'm not trying, but because I have limits other people don't, and it can be hard for people to understand/realize this and notice all the work I DO put in until they get to know me. But its hard for people to get to know me for the same reasons :/ Investment in a friendship, or effort put into maintaining it, doesn't always look the same from person to person, because people are different. Please don't assume that I just don't try or don't put any effort in.

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  5. Grow up fucker. It's all a matter of finding mutually satisfying bloodsuckers and leeches and surrounding yourself with them. If you find that you both leech off each other equivalent, they are a worthwhile friend. If not, dump the motherfuckers and find more useful ones. Simple. I don't understand why you find this so difficult. There is no such thing as true friends...

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    1. Want to exchange notes?

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    2. In case of sarcastic response: Only if you help me with question 5.

      In the case of serious response: I gave you a general guideline. It's your job to find something that works for you. Usually, it's a good idea to try to call favours right around the time they call favours during the vetting period (even if you don't need said favour) to see if they are helpful. If they are, it's easy enough to develop a transactional relationship. Also, it's good to have different friends for different hobbies/academics etc depending on the specialization of said friends. It's like with all things. You have needs. You find friends who can meet your needs. Similarly, your friends have needs. They need to find value in you and that happens when you satisfy one or some of their needs. It's easy enough to understand...

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  6. Your liver is probably lovin' life right now!

    Honestly, a lot of people do find it easier to be social when doing those types of activities, but don't let other people make you believe that you made a mistake by focusing on other things. If drinking and smoking isn't your thing, take some time to figure out what your interests are. There are tons of clubs you can et involved with, and although it can be a little anxiety-provoking to join clubs in the beginning, it gets more comfortable over time when you start to meet people.

    You'll be fine. You've got this!

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  7. If it helps anyway, I hate retarded drunk students, they are a plague. so keep being you.

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  9. There are lots of great clubs and services here at UW! They're a great way to get involved and meet people who are like you and interested in similar things.

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  10. Thanks for the great responses everyone!

    I really appreciate it. I was really skeptical posting my feelings out as I didn't think anybody would even care what I had to say, but all these responses sound so caring and sincere. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

    Thanks for making me feel less alone,

    - author of above post

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  11. 25 and have yet to date

    :(((((((((

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    1. Shitttt I'm getting close to that too.
      maybe i should just try guys… at least i would have /dated/ then

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    2. I'm not alone?!

      I was sure I was the only one, so ridiculous to be happy now :D

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