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Updated on Tuesday, January 6

#20345

OMG: I am a 5th year student at UW. I have been living away from home for the entirety of my university career and despite being 22 I am still treated like a child by my family at times. My mother often has anxiety attacks and I can understand that she gets worried if she doesn't get a response from a message immediately. However, tonight was another of many examples where I decided to go to sleep early and woke up to find that she and my sister have called 13 times, posted on my fb wall, contacted my friends, called my workplace, and tried everything short of (although sometimes including) driving to Waterloo all under the assumption that I am dead in a ditch somewhere. I am glad that people worry about me (it shows they care), but I just want to be able to go to sleep and not be afraid that I'll wake up to chaos a few hours later.

20 comments

  1. Sounds like you need to have a chat with your family about boundaries.

    I had a roommate in a similar situation once, back in first year. He left his phone in his room when he went to class, then he went to DP to study after for about 5 hours. When he came back, he had dozens of missed texts and IMs on his phone and computer, and our don in residence knocked on our door to let him know that his parents had shown up trying to find out where he was (they live in Brampton; they'd driven out to Waterloo because they were in a panic).

    Talk to your parents. Let them know this sort of behaviour isn't okay. Give them a clear boundary to start ("unless it's something urgent, give me 6 hours to respond to your texts before sending another one"), then try to ease it back from there.

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  2. can we be bbfs?
    im in 5th year, youngest child, female.
    and my parents do this also.
    on top of that.. I still live at home too..

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  3. Tell them to have another kid or get a job to keep themselves busy so you can sleep.

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  4. If they have this kind of anxiety, would it not be easier to get in the habit of texting them good night?

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    1. ^this. why can't you just text them saying that you are going to sleep early?

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    2. Because that isn't a viable long-term solution. OP is already 22, how many more years will they have to keep sending good-night texts to their parents?

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  5. This is insane. I could not live like this. Reply to their messages a day later each time they do this. I doubt your mother would be able to keep this up. It sounds exhausting. Also maybe your mom needs a hobby in her life, besides obsessing over you?

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    Replies
    1. My mom doesn't need a hobby, she gardens.

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  6. How does it feel knowing you will never live your own life because you are too weak to tell your family to stop breathing down your neck?

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  7. Tell them this term you want to try to focus more on your studies so you are going to have you phone off/not with you/on silent and not be online as often to limit distractions. They might freak out the first time you don't answer them, but just remind them of what you said. They will slowly realize that they don't need to be there at all times.

    Or if you are feeling risky, just tell them that they are interfering with your life, and you are an adult that doesn't need to be in constant contact. Then stop talking to them except a nightly phone call, or every couple days. Tell them they need to grow up and accept the fact that you are older now and don't need them to protect you all the time (or something along those lines)

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    Replies
    1. One more thing, I text my parents probably every day, usually within a few minutes of when they text me, but not always. I call every few days, usually on the weekends. Some times I go a whole week without texting them. They tell me they love it when I call/text, but they know that I have a life and don't expect me to be in constant contact.

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    2. if only this were posted 7months ago.
      Maybe he should stop buying her stuff...

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  8. My parents are lucky if I contact them once every two weeks.
    Read "Boundaries" My Dr. Henry Cloud, be free!

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  9. Just tell her the truth..I promise it will set you free. I did the same thing in first year. My parents were constantly texting me, and even used find my friends so they could track where I was on campus. It was the final straw when they went into a panic when I was at a bar at 2:000 AM on a saturday. So I just texted my mom that I was too busy snorting cocaine and fucking hookers to give a fuck about their shitty texts. They don't speak to me anymore.. it's a win-win.

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  10. I text my parents every day. If you text your friends every day, why not text them as well to let them know how you are doing.

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