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Updated on Friday, January 2

#20328

OMG: Everyone thinks I'm happy, but I really feel so lost and alone. I been to therapy many times, but they won't help because they can't see how low I've fallen.

None of my family and friends seem to care and whenever I mention how terrible I feel I just get sympathetic nods, and no one seems to hear. I want to die all the time.

Why won't anyone help me? I feel like I'm drowning in my own skin and no one will even look towards the water.

Help.

6 comments

  1. Hey OP, I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Have you thought about switching therapists/counsellors? Maybe it will take a few tries before you find the right fit, someone who really gets you.

    I've recently tried the Good2Talk line and it was really helpful. It's 24/7

    Hang in there.

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  2. OP, I've found therapy to be really useless to the point where it became victim-blaming and made things worse ("if you're being bullied, just ignore it" <-- ignoring problems that are causing immediate harm is *never* a long term solution)

    Glad that 1 found the Good2Talk like helpful. Maybe that will work for you, give you some support in the meantime? With my own depression I've found treatment really needed a triage approach, so if you're near crisis or in crisis, please seek out a safe space and try to diffuse some of your immediate stress. Even if that's just crying at home. A lot of people will tell you to seek out a friend or go talk to someone, but talking to people who don't have the training or experience to deal with depression is often flat-out harmful. Try instead to seek out individuals with the right training who can be supportive listeners and possibly direct you to helpful resources to cope with your illness.

    I suffer from major depressive disorder, and it's basically an ongoing fight to keep it in check. A lot of people refused to help me, even at my darkest, because I was able to cope so well according to the outsider---if I'm not breaking down unable to do anything ever, then I must be making up my pain or something. I was in agony, every minute of the day, and people would tell me I was fine or exaggerating or whatever, and it was the most demoralizing shit. They had no idea what they were talking about. They were wrong.

    Unfortunately, I can't say treatment or professionals really helped me at all. There is no "one true way" to solve depression. I really did feel like I bootstrapped myself into a healthier life; doctors, therapists, meds, etc. were all varying levels of not helpful to deeply harmful. Strategies vary from person to person, but first you have to have all your immediate needs taken care of, to be stable and out of a crisis state.

    If you want to talk, I mentioned on another post that you can visit this webchat, and my friends and I will try to be around to respond: http://webchat.freenode.net/?channels=uwarc

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  3. If you find it easier to chat rather than talk on the phone there's always oline support as well. Reach out as best as you can and hang in there!
    https://www.imalive.org/

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  4. I haven't tired good2talk or imalive yet I will try them.

    I feel like I hold myself together so well when people are well that they don't notice that when I am by myself I just completely fall apart.

    It's really hard because when I try to tell the therapists or councillors about it they never have me at my worst so they always assume I'm fine or that my issue is "resolved".

    It's hard because I try to tell them how terrible I feel and they just act like I'm just going through normal stuff or like they think it will pass.
    It never does.

    Everyday I have to convince myself not to kill myself. I'm really trying.

    I will try talking to some of those people you guys have mentioned.

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  5. ive felt similar :( im really glad that you're still reaching out and willing to try talking to other people, i'm really hopeful that you can find someone, anyone, who can help you get better. Have you tried telling the councillors or therapists what you explained here? i think that if you're completely honest about the problems your having with these councillors and let them know that they aren't being helpful and addressing your needs, they can try to either fix it or hook you up with someone who will really listen and understand the severity of your situation. You're so strong, OP. please keep holding on

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  6. I'd recommend cognitive therapy, based on personal experience.

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