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Updated on Sunday, November 30

#20191

OMG: I apologize for this in advance.
I'm an international student, on my last term. Completely out of nowhere, I decided to check my mom's fb (I knew her password), because she has felt suspicious every time I talked to her on skype. I checked one of her messages, in which she was talking to a friend of hers, it did not seem happy at all... I scrolled up a bit, found out that she's had breast cancer for a while, and that she had an operation done (removed either a part or whole of her breast) just a few weeks ago! Nobody but her friend and a couple of people knew, then she told her mom and dad, brother and sister (my grandparents, and uncle/aunt), and said that she'd never let the kids know (me and my brother).. And that she had started her chemotherapy, which would last 6 months.
I can barely type this, and I feel like dying, let alone do a research or talk to anyone about it. I'll be going home in less than a month, after the finals are done.
I feel completely helpless, and this might very well be the worst day I have seen in my 22 years of life.
I will probably talk to her about this, let her know that I know, but won't tell her exactly how, so she won't be able to hide anything else gravely important (I might be an asshole for this, but I don't give a shit, I'd rather die than stay not knowing what actually is happening)
I would really like to know... Assuming she does complete the chemotherapy, how long, on average, are breast cancer survivors expected to live (between 50-55 year old women)?
I would so love this to have been a horrible dream, and just wake up from it, give my mom a call, and just talk to her... Folks, you really never appreciate the most basics things you've had until it's gone...
If anyone has anything to offer, I'd gladly listen to them, thank you very very much.

25 comments

  1. Depends on the stage she's in. Can't tell you much without knowing more about the case. Her chemo might just be adjuvant to get rid of the rest of the tumour, or it could be for metastatic disease, which is much worse. Sorry to hear this OP. My thoughts are with you and your mother.

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  2. These sites may help:

    http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/detailedguide/breast-cancer-survival-by-stage

    http://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/cancer-type/breast/prognosis-and-survival/?region=on

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  3. This hurts my heart. I'm sorry to hear about your mother, she and your family are in my prayers

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  4. Just said a prayer for your mother.

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  5. This is awful OP and I am really sorry to hear about it. -airhug-

    My only consolation to give you is that at least it was detected and she is getting immediate treatment. Let her know you support her and will be with her every step of the way. Also, don't tell your brother but encourage your mom to be the one to tell. Leaving him clueless on a matter as important as this may cause a rift in the family if he finds out from an outside source.

    Stay strong.

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  6. Hey OP, i can help, give me ur email i will send you a file

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    Replies
    1. Would you mind pasting a link here?

      Delete
  7. this might help you. check it out
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uP8cUg0pmMM&index=21&list=WL

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  8. OP, in my first year my mother was also diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery done without my knowledge of her even being ill. She has a chronic lung disorder and the surgery was very high risk, and everyone in my family knew about it except for me (because it was the first year of university and she didn't want to give me more to stress over), and I only found out because I came home to surprise her because it was her birthday and she was still recovering from surgery. This is not the first serious medical issue she has concealed from me. I know she has betrayed your trust and it's going to be very hard for you to believe her again after this, and I am so sorry! Your mom seems very strong and like she is giving the cancer a good fight, and you have my best wishes.

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  9. My mom is a breast cancer survivor, and chemotherapy was definitely a tough time for the whole family as it left her feeling sick and weak while we could do little to make it better for her, but honestly I took my mom aside one day and just asked her how she was and it was like a dam broke. She really just wanted to talk about her fears and how she felt and hearing it all did make me very emotional but I'm glad we talked about it. She might have kept it to herself because she wanted to protect you or she didn't want to disrupt your school year, I know my mom took a while to find a way to tell me when she was diagnosed. She finished chemotherapy around 2008 and is still cancer free to this day, but I know my grandma has survived breast cancer twice now and has lived well into her seventies. It really depends on the person, but breast cancer when caught early enough is treatable. This kind of thing is horrible when it happens to anyone, but it really does make you appreciate your family more.

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  10. My mom also is a breast cancer survivor, and underwent surgery, chemotherapy and radiation while I was in middle school. There are many types of breast cancer that vary in how invasive they are. My mom had DCIS, which is a non-invasive, non-threatening breast cancer, and this could be the one your mom has, too.

    It's an emotionally draining experience for the family unit, and I expect the helplessness you feel being away from her is painful. We are lucky to live in an era of communicative technology, though, so here is my two cents:
    1) Be a listener. She might not want to share with you so as not to burden you with worry, and you have to respect her decision. But let her know you are open to her being honest and raw with you, and that you wish to support her.
    2) She may be struggling with the concept of her own womanhood after the surgery. Let her know that who she is in your eyes has not changed. Let her know that she is no less of a woman. "The body is but the temporary clothing for the soul."

    I discovered The Scar Project last year and it really moved me with its striking images of breast cancer survivors. It may help your mom feel less alone http://www.thescarproject.org/gallery/

    3) You clearly love her, and just telling her that would surely be an immense comfort to her.

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  11. ^ All this is wonderful. People being nice and caring in an anonymous forum.

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  12. :( I'm so sorry to hear that, OP. Hang in there

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  13. stay strong !!!!!

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  14. i saw this CHEMO therapy looking chick today, she was very trashy

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    1. you are a terrible human being

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  15. My best friend's mother recently underwent chemo to treat her breast cancer, and a year later now, it is as if everything is back to normal. There is always hope! Remain a supportive daughter, and don't hold any harsh feelings for your mother... she was only hiding it out of fear for your well-being.

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    1. OP: I'm a dude, but thanks a lot :)

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  16. I've worked in a cancer centre, specifically with breast cancer patients. Usually what happens is that they remove the tumour surgically - so technically theres no more cancer cells that can SEEN - and then they start chemo so that they are able to catch any microscopic cells that CANT be seen.

    The toughest part is the first month of chemotherapy, because you're receiving a whole lot of information. Most people do well, and they're not alone, because usually there's usually a lot of follow-up by healthcare professionals when someone receives chemo (calling in to see how they are, check-up appointments). Its just getting past the first session thats difficult, then after that its pretty routine the body gets used to chemo and its side-effects. It could continue just as maintenance therapy, in order to increase the chances of killing all harmful cells and not allowing it to come back.

    That is very basic information, it may vary depending on your mom's case. I really encourage you to go to one of her appointments with her just so that you see how manageable it can be.
    I've met women who were diagnosed in their 40s and lived to their 70s or 80s,passing away due to natural causes.

    I'm sending good vibes your way, hoping you will have the strength and patience to deal with this one step at a time. Right now your mom is still here with you, there's no point in assuming the worst until you actually know the facts. Wishing you and your mom the best of luck.

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  17. That's what you fucking get for invading other people's privacy.

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  18. OP: Thanks everyone for the support, I completely forgot about this post, just remembered and checked it, feels really good to realize people have been supporting me without me even knowing. Last few days have been pretty weird, but I did talk to her, and I feel like it'll be alright in the end.
    I appreciate the kind words and advice for every single one of you. You guys are an awesome bunch, wish there was a way to hug you/shake your hand!

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  19. Hang in there buddy. Worrying would do you no good (especially it's exam season) but yes, I understand it is almost impossible not to since she is someone you care about very much. But with today's technology and improved medical treatments, your mom will be in very good hands. My prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family. STAY STRONG

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  20. My mother had breast cancer in her 50's and lived another 35 years. Prognosis is good if it is caught early.

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