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Updated on Saturday, October 25

#19989

OMG: I have realized that I am an elitist. I won't consider a relationship with any girl that isn't in university with Masters position offers or prospects, and in a field I deem acceptable. I don't talk to any of my high school friends that didn't go to university. I don't look at cars that cost less than $40,000 as my first car (I will buy used though). I have actively ended friendships because of this.

What happened to me, I used to treat everyone as equal, didn't care where they came from or where they were going, just mattered if they were a good person. How do I go back to this? I don't like the way I think, but when I try to think like I used to, I become repulsed and go back to my elitist ways.

46 comments

  1. You grew up.

    I still talk to old friends who are heading in different directions from me, because there's a connection there when you've known someone for so long. However, I hesitate to make new friends who have different lifestyles at this point, because everyone's values have formed by now and there's no point investing in a relationship in which you won't grow together. That was meant for friendships, but apply doubly to romantic relationships.

    It's not good that you're an elitist, but it's okay to realize everyone's not equal. No one's forcing you to befriend every person in the world, but you shouldn't treat them badly either.

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  2. Youre actually just a classist, elitist jerk. If you want to stop, stop. recognize that how much people make or how they do in school or whether or not they are in school is NEVER indicative of how much someone knows/how good a person they are

    This isnt to say that you shouldnt let people go. when you grow up you get different political interests, beliefs etc. it is fair to let people go, espec highschool/firstyear friends who you probably had just because of proximity.

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  3. You also don't sound like an elitest, you just sound like a self-righteous fag

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  4. Think it's a bit of both--growing up and having different objectives in life, and being a little arrogant. As for the second one, it'd be humbling to think about the circumstances that brought you to where you are and where you can actually take credit for what you've accomplished. Consider where at times it may have been random events lining up such that they happened to favour you. How much of it was chance and how much of it was achieved by effort and overcoming hardship; the latter being more praise-worthy. Might put things into perspective and humble you. I prefer to see things this way but to each their own.

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  5. If you believe that you derive your worth from status and possessions then you end up with the mentality that you've adopted. This actually sounds like a sense of insecurity with who you are as a person. If you were stripped of your academic achievements, and high price tag possessions how would you identify yourself?

    Some of the wisest I've met live incredibly simply (few possessions/invest for later years and are generous with the rest of their $). Also, some of the most intelligent people I know didn't pursue higher education but excel in life.

    The fact that you can recognize your new value system is stripping you from rich and meaningful relationships with others already puts you in a good position to change.

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    1. The comment about identifying yourself once stripped of high priced possessions is perfect. My general experience (note: PhD student here) is that people with well-defined personalities, interests, hobbies, etc. tend to live frugally. On the other hand, I have a number of pretty vacuous friends and acquaintances who always have the latest pieces of technology and talk about their dreams to buy BMW's.

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    2. @5a: I like to think I have well-defined interests, and I'm not known to bore people with my personality. However, I do enjoy owning nice things. There's just something about an item that has beautiful design and craftsmanship (inb4 made in China) that beckons to me. I'm sure there are many other people who feel the same.

      Why did you need to add that you are a PhD student? Aren't you also privileging your degree over the others' in this thread? It's not like two extra years of life experience is considerably significant given this topic.

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    3. 5 here

      @ 5b: I agree it is important to know the quality and the estimated lifetime of a product - that is sensible part of the purchasing process. Certainly some of those items come with a higher price tag.

      What I was attempting to suggest: For you to imagine your identity without those items, to consider how these possessions influence how you describe yourself as a person. Consider this - If your BMW emblem was replaced with that of a KIA, your brand name clothing had 'Target' logos instead, your home appliances had no manufacturer seals, your apartment or home was situated in an 'unsavoury' neighbourhood even though it may be ascetically pleasing to your taste, etc. If no one knew what brands or for what price you purchased your belongings - would it matter to you? Should it matter?

      That's all - just a way to assist in the introspective process.

      As for the PhD's response above, I cannot speak for him/her but perhaps he/she was illustrating not everyone with higher education holds those beliefs. Or since OP had stated he/she only dates women and respects others who pursue higher education, OP would actually value 5a's response.

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    4. 5a here. I mentioned the PhD thing to add credibility in OP's eyes. Otherwise OP could have brushed it off as coming from a first year who only knows other first years. So 5c had it pretty much right.

      Also, whether or not you're boring isn't what I was getting at. Plenty of people who are charismatic and likable are ultimately empty -- American Psycho is a good illustration of this. And while quality is important, it isn't always synonymous with price, nor is it necessarily worth extra money that could be better spent being generous to friends and family. There's a classic example in marketing where some brand of scotch reduced its price significantly for the holiday season, and suddenly sales dropped like a rock because it was perceived as lower quality.

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  6. It sounds like you have an over-inflated ego.

    You don't talk to friends that didn't go to university? Why? Because university is the end-all for intelligence? If anything I would give props to anyone who thinks independently now rather than a massive circle jerk for watered-down degrees.

    You only look at $40K cars? So a more expensive car means quality? Or are you just trying to vie some sort of personal status from it? I could sell you a piece of shit for $40K if you want. You'll feel better about yourself in the end and I'll make some money off you.

    You've become arrogant and vapid, that's what's happened to you. It's nothing to be proud of. It just means that you were not much to begin with.

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  7. You are a piece of shit is what, son. Probably compensating for some sort of physical shortcomings.

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  8. This sounds like a start of one of those romance movies where the elitist protagonist loses everything, is taken care of by people "lower" than him, falls in love with a girl, and changes his lifestyle. I want to watch The Family Man now...

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  9. masters prospects are what make a girl good?

    the only other thing you managed to think of in your post is 40k cars?

    either 2/10 troll or some serious life issues. like your mom didn't buy you enough chocolate bars when you were younger or something like that

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  10. I dated a guy like you a long time and his arrogant beliefs rubbed off on me, which I definitely didn't have before we were dating. Now that we have broken up I don't know how I have let myself become so snobby.

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  11. I'm somewhat elitist too, but this is a peculiar form of snobbery. Do you really only care about money? Also, I think it's alright to prefer an S.O. with similar background/prospects, but you shouldn't lose the ability to be friendly with the lower classes.

    I do understand that it can be difficult to mingle with people with whom you have little in common - and I won't say you shouldn't prefer the company of people like you - but if you can't relate at all to hoi polloi, you've gone too far.

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  12. What happens when the car depreciates OP?

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  13. lol $40,000 for a car? Watches cost more than that. Get over yourself.

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    1. Most people aren't Saudi oil sheiks. $40 k is still a lot.

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  14. 40k for a car? You're nothing lol.

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  15. lmao what a peasant buying used cars, looking for hoes with a masters hahahaha too beta for the good looking ones?

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    1. As if good-looking girls and girls with a master's degree are mutually exclusive. Have fun with your club sluts, since it sounds like you wouldn't be able to keep up a conversation with intelligent women anyway.

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    2. haha yup I like my girls bad, conversation's for the men. Engineering master race checking in, I can hold up a conversation about anything with anyone

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    3. @16b: As a girl in engineering, guys like you make me want to throw up. Engineering is definitely not master race, seeing as a large portion of the guys are douchewads like you. When was the last time you read a book?

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    4. Engineering master race? Give me a break. You guys are really just glorified construction workers.

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    5. @16d: Not 16, but... Do you even know what we do?

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    6. 16d, im not an engineer, but even I know that is wrong. Master race is a joke though, everyone knows PC is the master race, so Computer Science is the best program

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  16. No sympathy. https://uwaterloo.ca/counselling-services/node/1

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  17. Not really understanding the hate. Most people think like this but don't even know it.. At least you can see that your thoughts are not grounded in reality... so good on you.

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  18. In this moment I am euphoric. Not because of any false god, but because I am enlightened by my own intelligence.

    -Aalewis

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  19. Maybe you just became more judgmental while growing up but money isn't about everything. You can't expect every single person you meet to come from a rich family background because honestly, most of us aren't and you're just going to have to deal with that. Someone with a masters degree in a math field (as an example) may not be the nicest person around...just saying.

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  20. lol at least I have a car /loser!

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  21. "and this is why op is still bussing and single"

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  22. > I won't consider a relationship with any girl that isn't in university with Masters position offers or prospects, and in a field I deem acceptable.

    Here's a notion for you to consider: double coincidence of wants. When you have high expectations or qualifications of people you will date, it becomes less likely that you'll find anyone, because they will also require you to fulfill their high expectations. Ever wonder why we don't live in a barter economy? This is why.

    > I don't talk to any of my high school friends that didn't go to university.

    Seems to me that despite you being in university, you're still too stupid to realize that university =/= smart. There are a lot of stupid people that go to university (UW especially), and a lot of smart people that don't. It isn't indicative of anything, and you're a tool if you think it is.

    > I don't look at cars that cost less than $40,000 as my first car (I will buy used though).

    Again, high expectations. You think you're going to be able to live like this forever? You think that because you have expectations for your future and they seem likely that they will follow through? Well, you're wrong. Tomorrow, both your parents could die in a car crash. You could get hit by a bus and lose your leg. A building on campus could collapse and half your friends could be killed. NOTHING IS CERTAIN. Your grand expectations will yield nothing more than grand disappointments.

    > I don't like the way I think, but when I try to think like I used to, I become repulsed and go back to my elitist ways.

    I wouldn't be surprised if your 'repulsion' stems from caring too much what other people think of you. Your dating criterion probably comes from parental expectations; your friendship criterion probably comes from your perceived expectations of your current university friends; your luxury expectations come from wanting to appear well-off to everyone else.

    You need to stop giving a shit about what other people think. I used to care about what people thought of me too, until I realized that people I don't know really aren't paying as much attention as I thought they were. After that, I just started being myself, and I ended up the better for it.

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    1. In terms of getting a girl i mean whats there to worry about because men tend to have lower expectations than women. Maybe this is a problem because op is female. As a female I think I have very high academic goals. I want to be a professional someday.

      Anyways, i'm sure guys find me attractive cos i go to University of Waterloo for the math and cs program.

      STOP TALKING ABOUT CAR CRASHES!!!!!

      I'm relax. there's Plenty of Middle Class ppl to make up for it.

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  23. Cut yourself off from the media. That's the first step to not being an asshole if you're easily swayed by ads, as you apparently are.
    Guess what? No matter how elite you strive to be, there is ALWAYS someone better than you. Not just a little bit better either. Waaaaaay richer, waaay more successful, waaaay more good looking. It is impossible to "win" at that game. You'll be a lot happier if you give up and stop caring about that stupid shit.

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  24. I'm sure u will find an elitist SO like urself who is in an "appropriate" program that isnt in ECE or something lol. WHY WOULDNT U TALK TO UR HIGHSCHOOL FRIENDS ? I wouldn't end friendships over nothing. I love jeeps <3 I'm sure u will "return" to ur elitist ways.

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  25. You really just sound like an asshole, I already drive a car worth more than 40,000 (wealthy parents) and can pretty much guarantee an annual income of over a million shortly after graduation (not that I deserve it, but gotta love family). Despite this I have no idea how you can base your view of other people on their title and future prospects. Several of my best friends are extremely poor and they are the best people on this planet. Hope you can figure your shit out, otherwise you are in for a sad life. By the way most Elitists are dickheads and aren't very nice to be around.

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    1. >can pretty much guarantee an annual income of over a million shortly after I graduate

      So... what are you studying? Into what field are you going? I literally can't think of a job (other than "heir") which will start you off at that kind of money.

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    2. That' what I was saying, I will be going into the family business. The reason I was pointing that out is because the OP seemed to be classist, identifying they want nothing to do with people who are not in University, even people who don't have a bright future. I just wanted to inform them that they shouldn't base their opinions of other based on the class they belong to. Wealthy and intelligent people can often be pretentious assholes.

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    3. This guy knows ^

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  26. Not everyone can be an "heiress" like paris hilton and take pics for free.

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  27. You sound pretty narcissistic . You're basically whining about how great you think you are. First-world problems much? If you keep acting this way you will most likely be a very lonely son-of-a-gun. I understand to some extent that you would want to date someone with whatever you deem to be an "acceptable" education... But only because that often makes relating to one another easier in a relationship. Otherwise, you're saying that some people aren't good enough for you. For all you know, someone pursuing an academic career that you don't find elite enough (or whatever) is actually smarter than you AND could be an exceptional partner. I truly hope you're looking to change the way you look at the world because awesome friends and girlfriends come from all education and income levels.

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