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Updated on Saturday, October 18

#19966

OMG: I like him. He likes me. Yet I said no when he asked me out. Why? Lack of character. He asked for my friends # when he asked me out. It doesn't bother me now as much as it did when he did it but I feel like I gotta respect myself enough to not be with a guy like that.

30 comments

  1. i dont get it. pls elaborate op

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  2. Yea. You're best bet is taking a break from the dating scene, get to know yourself.

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  3. LOL this is so stupid. Respecting yourself has nothing to do with if he asked your friend out. THOT ALERT

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    1. It's not actually stupid. It's has to do more with the fact that while the guy was asking her out, he made mention that he's also interested in her friend. I was in the same position. This guy gave me his number and at the same time asked for my friend's number. It doesn't bother me that he's also interested in her -- what bugged me was how he felt it was okay to hit on one girl and then use that same girl to hit on another girl. It basically made his intent of asking me out less sincere, and that's not cool -- i would have preferred if he just asked me for her number.

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    2. What the fuck is a thot?

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    3. It stands for "that hoe over there." Really classy.

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  4. this is incredibly stupid but a formidable outcome for him. He won't waste his time dating someone like you.

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  5. is this what respect comes down to these days?

    i guarantee you most certainly aren't going down in the history books

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  6. OP here.
    It does come down to respect. He told me he liked me and wanted to go out but also see others until he knew I was the "one". Please someone explain how this is normal..

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    1. It's normal these days. The concept of dating (or having sex) with several people at a time is to see who you are most compatible with. It's just the nature of today's generation since people are getting married much later and equality is more prominent. No one feels like they need to stick to the previous norms of society anymore.

      My friend dated multiple people at once before finding her boyfriend. Why say no to a date? There's no obligation to date the previous guy (or girl) who had asked you out first since its not serious. There's no pressure to find your future husband/wife now, so might as well have fun, have a fling, and somewhere along the way you'll find someone who is right for you.

      But it depends on everyone. I like casual dating, but not casual sex. Not gonna lie though, dick move to make the moves on your friend in front of you.

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    2. ^ I'm pretty sure it's in bad taste to hedge your bets and "test drive" multiple people for sex.

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    3. I would consider that pretty offensive.

      I am doing the online thing, and I won't even message multiple people at the same time.

      Plus I don't see how one could have the time to date multiple people at once.

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    4. lol that's just you

      dating multiple people casually is the norm

      if you can't take it, then it's like you're some farmer who stepped into the city for the first time and didn't understand the norms there, i.e. you're behind the times

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    5. @6c: I understand not wanting to date multiple people at the same time, as I have my own reservations about that as well. However, only messaging a single person at a time online seems really counter-intuitive. The whole point of online dating is to give you a bigger net to cast, and limiting yourself to talking to one person is such a waste.

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    6. As someone who works with an STI as part of my research let me tell you that not having sex with multiple people and not dating people who have sex with multiple people is a fairly intelligent move. I don't care if I'm behind the times, not having Herpes keeps me warm at night. 20% of adults in some US cities are seropositive (may or may not have it but have been exposed). Think about that.

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    7. ohhhh look at me i'm doing research

      nobody is saying you have to care you fuck, the point was simply that it's common for this to happen

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  7. Did he mention anything about being exclusive for dating OP or are you assuming his values match yours? It sounds like you're the one being self-centered rather than having "respect for yourself."

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  8. OP here.
    I get that its the norm to date many people at a time. Here is my issue. I have known him since December. And so when he told me hes asking me out and he likes me, I was so happy until he said, " But I will need to see other people until we are ready to tell our parents and make it official" to me that means that he could ditch me for another girl and I would be dirt on the ground. (Hes 25 so he's looking for something serious, not a fling)

    He mentioned being exclusive if we both like each other after several dates.
    I don't know.. Im just so conflicted. I can get past him asking for my friends number, but what we want doesn't match up.

    Maybe I am being selfish and asking for too much. Dating me exclusively for a few months wouldn't kill him.

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    1. If you know you're both looking for different things out of this relationship, you really shouldn't jump into it unless you're willing to compromise. Someone will end up getting hurt.

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    2. Yeah, he told me not to compromise with myself.

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  9. OP here. I guess I see your perspective.. I could just go on a few dates with him and see where it goes.
    I can get past the friends thing.

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  10. To be honest, I understand where he's coming from in that he wants to date other people before being exclusive. That makes a lot of sense.
    But dude, wtf? Why use the person you want to date to acquire the friend's number? That in my opinion is what I think is weird and poor move.
    He could have tried to get her number another way.

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  11. you know what i think, i think he liked your friend not you.

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  12. you should hook up with a friend of HIS.... ;)

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  13. this is really attractive <3

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  14. Guys, what the hell? It's not the norm to date multiple people at the same time. Plenty of people (myself included) have FWBs and casual sex, but we're not doing it to hedge our bets on full-time partners. It definitely is cruel to do that to other people.

    I'm actually pretty certain monogamy *is* the "norm", and anybody telling you differently is confused and not really paying attention.

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    1. lol dating multiple people isn't the same as polygamy

      at best you could call it polyamory

      besides, they meant dating as in date before becoming exclusive, which is usually a short period of time, not some 3 years of dating 5 different people

      seems you need a brain

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    2. @15a, your response makes so little contextual sense, I have to question if you're even responding to me.

      Did you... did you get confused because I used the term "monogamy"?

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