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Updated on Monday, July 28

#19543

OMG: There's some advice that goes around about dating which says that people like the chase. Someone you're pursuing doesn't want to know they've got you for sure, so you should be confident enough to know that you're someone that they would be lucky to be with. In a sense, you want them to be chasing you as well.

But what if you don't think you have a lot to offer? What if you just have shitty self-esteem and think that there isn't any reason anyone should be chasing after you over someone else? I feel I'm having this issue; I don't think I'm good looking, I'm not that good at talking to people, I'm not that smart, and I'm by *far* the most boring person I've ever met. I never have interesting stories to tell because my life is dull, and I find that when meeting new people I can hold a conversation for only as far as the initial basic questions like "where are you from", "how's the city", etc. I once heard someone say that the way you can tell someone is boring is by seeing if they change the subject a lot or ask a lot of random questions, since it takes attention away from themselves. Naturally, I do this a ton.

When I'm this mediocre, it's hard for me to believe that someone might be interested and reciprocate when I really like them. It's never really happened in the past, anyway, hence this post.

I think this is why I like pets so much—if you give your pet dog or cat lots of attention, they will love you back. It's so uncomplicated; they don't care if you're uninteresting or not that smart or anything like that, they love you just because you provide and care for them.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that people get into relationships because of mutual feelings and not just because one person cares for the other (we all know how that one-sided shit ends). I wouldn't expect anything different, because that would be fucking weird. I'm just rambling here because I don't see myself as a person someone would really go after when most people are just better in some way, and it really makes me sad. =\

7 comments

  1. Okay, shut your fucking mouth, listen to me.

    This "being chased" bullshit is what has fucked up the entire dating scene. You want someone to chase you? Seriously, I am so tired of this thinking, and this is entirely where your problem lies.

    These days, it seems the one that is the least emotionally attached has the most power in the relationship. Everybody wants to be chased, nobody wants to be found.

    Listen, you need to go after what you want, and remember they don't need to chase you because you aren't running away.

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  2. Hey OP! I cant help but agree with 1, even though writing that makes me a huge hypocrite. It's true though and something I'm working on too. As for thinking you have nothing to offer, well that's just crazy talk. Everyone thinks they are boring, stupid or weird in some ways, trust me, I talk to bugs! You just have to learn to embrace it because there is someone out there who will love that shit!

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  3. who the fuck cares about this bs seriously

    as if this is what your whole world amounts to

    fucking base

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  4. You need to go out and force yourself into social situations. If you just stay home and cry about how you're mediocre, how are you going to improve?

    Get out of your comfort zone.

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  5. i didn't read all of this because i can't stand that chase bullshit

    i am upfront and frank with people i date. i do try not to be overbearing with communication so that they don't get sick of me, but it's not playing hard to get.

    don't play games with people and then they won't play games with you - or, if they're obsessed with the game, they'll fuck off and go toy with someone else instead, which is a win for you in the long-run.

    people like attention. they like being wanted. yeah you can't smother them or they'll get annoyed but if you tell someone that you love x about their personality i almost guarantee they'll like you more, like a dog being pet, assuming they don't already dislike you to begin with.

    if you think you're not a catch, maybe work on the ways you could be more of one. male or female, go to the gym and hit some personal milestones: run farther than you've ran, or lift heavier than you've lifted, or swim faster than you've swam. or, pick up a sport, frisbee, soccer, rock climbing, triathalons, whatever. just get a goal and meet it, it doesn't matter what. fitness is honestly a life hack because you will become so much more confident and sure of yourself and besides looking better and feeling physically better, you'll also feel accomplished, AND you have a hobby that can be interesting and shared with potential partners or friends.

    if you hate fitness and all you do is game, don't get me wrong, gaming is awesome and you can meet other game-lovers but you need to have something else going for you IMO. fitness is like a cheatcode to life but some people just don't dig it. that's fine. instead get really into boardgames or guitar or languages. it literally doesn't matter, just have some interest that will provide you with something to talk about and some accomplishments and (ideally) a group to become a part of. that's all it takes to be interesting. yeah whatever you pick might not be liked by everyone - who cares! you don't need everyone, you want to find friends or relationships, with individual people who think you're neat and who you think are neat.

    forget all this chase and playing games bullshit. WORK on your self-esteem or nothing will change, that i can promise you. you're crazy if you think you can just continue as you are and magically you'll feel more valuable or attractive or whatever. if you want to see change you have to WORK for change. & once you see your own self worth, which is definitely in there, and you start treating potential relationships like real people and are just up front and honest about yourself, your expectations etc, they will return the favour or else show themselves to be immature and incapable of handling it.

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  6. also it sounds weird but practice smalltalk with customer service people. grocery stores, hairdressers etc. they're bored at their jobs and as long as you don't go as far as to hold up their work [ie DONT start talking if they have a huge line and need to rush you through] and you never have to see them again if it goes badly. i used to be a shy, self-hating person & this is one of the ways [along with getting interests and faking confidence] that i became truly outgoing.

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